Hello Bitches! Just got off a 14-hour flight from New York to Seoul. It’s dumping snow here in fellow blogger Tara Popp’s neck of the woods. Have a few more hours to kill before my flight to South East Asia (where I am sure I won’t see any snow).

Ok the reason why I am blogging is that I am in heaven now and I need to share my heavenly experience with everyone. Yes I am not bitching about anything this time. This sheer niceness will probably last for 2 hours so enjoy it while you can. Anyway I had mentioned before in my post that Singapore Airlines was one of my favorite Asian airlines. The other one is Asiana Airlines. The inflight experience that I just had from this long haul flight on Asiana affirms my choice of this Korean airline as one of my two favorite Asian airlines.
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It feels like 6℉ here in NYC today, but my heart is feeling the warmth, since my favorite bitch of all bitches Bai Ling is back in the news. Yes, bitch was spotted making out with hatchetface Mickey Rourke at the Chateau Marmont in LA the other night. The two were going at it pretty hard, and our Asian ho probably gave fish jerky face here a solid hand job.

I was not planning to watch the Oscars this year, but now I will, since the degree of the red carpet freakshow-ness has been kicked up a notch with Bai Ling potentially making an appearance with her flavor of the month, the soon-to-be Best Actor nominee Mickey Rourke (for The Wrestler). I love this union! It takes a lot of courage to wake up next to Mickey every morning, but I have no doubt that our bitch can stomach it. She has seen worse.

I love traveling on Singapore Airlines (SQ). To me it’s one of the best airlines in the world. The airline’s famous flight attendants, also known as the SQ girls, provide such attentive and friendly inflight service that you don’t want to deplane even after you’ve been on a 13-hour flight with them. These skinny bitches are usually polite and friendly until you criticize their Louis Vuitton (LV) handbags, or tell them you have a bomb with you. The latter happened to a Taiwanese woman in her 50s who boarded a Singapore Airline flight from Taipei to Singapore a few days ago.
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I think I just found my whack off material for 2009. Oops sorry, I meant my calendar for 2009. Yes, let me present you the 2009 Asian Men Redefined calendar. Twelve Asian hotties will strut their stuff for you every month in 12″ x 12″ glossy pics shot by San Francisco photographer Dannydan. Half of the proceeds from the sale of this calendar will be donated to the Asian & Pacific Islander Wellness Center, a charity organization that fights HIV/AIDS in our communities. So you will be supporting a great cause if you buy this calendar. You should also buy a copy for the bitches you know who only date white guys.

By the way, if you think you have a hot face and a hot body and want to help promote the hotness of Asian men, you can apply to be one of the twelve models to be featured on the 2010 calendar. Just send your info with some impressive face/body shots to info@asianmenredefined.com. Please feel free to send them to me first for some constructive criticism if you like. I promise I won’t share them with the cougars I know.  There are tons of them running around in New York City.

Click here to buy the calendar.

Ok, please mark this under I-Bet-It-Hurts-More-Than-Getting-My-Balls-Kicked, some 39 year-old Thai woman named Kanchana Kaetkaew, who is also known as the “Scorpion Queen“, has set a Guinness World record by putting a scorpion in her mouth for over two minutes. Her royal Scorpionida-highness carried out this weird feat in Pattaya and was assisted by her husband, Bunathawee Siengwong. Interestingly, her hubby is known as the “Centipede King“. The two were married in a haunted house on 2006. Hmm, wanna take a guess at what food items they served their guests at their wedding reception? I bet this was the liquor of the evening.
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You know the world is coming to an end when the Fugliest of the Fugs, Zhang Ziyi has placed first on the list of the ” 50 Most Beautiful People” in China. Yes, bitch probably slept with everyone at The Beijing News (the organizer of this list) to get the top spot, including the custodian and the security guard who thought she was there to replace the lady who usually mops the floor. Second on the list is veteran actor Tony Leung.

Look, there are many beautiful actresses in China. This talentless bitch is sure not one of them. In fact, if you watched the opening ceremony of this year’s Summer Olympics, you would have noticed that many of the Chinese girls who volunteered at the ceremony looked just like her (pic here). So if you ask me, her face is just a dime a dozen in a populous country of 1.3 billion people. She is in no way the most beautiful person in China (both inside and out). Don’t even get me started on her inner beauty (or lack thereof)!

I am glad 2008 is almost behind us. What a bitch of a year it was! You know you’re screwed when the Dow Jones industrial average plunged much faster than Tila Tequila’s 5-minute fame and Zhang Ziyi’s chances of making it big in Hollywood. 2008 was also a year filled with weird news. Here is my top ten list of “The Weird News From Asia” in descending order. For the fun of it, you should go over the list from the bottom to the top.
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Some Asian robotics developer from Ontario, Canada named Le Trung has created a fembot he named Aiko. This geek claims that Aiko is his bitch. No just kidding (or maybe not). He said that Aiko is his idea of a perfect woman. He even shelled out his own cash (some $20K) to build her.  Dude, $20K can get you a lot of escort services, blowjobs and comic books. Why waste it on an android who speaks like my GPS device?

Aiko responds to touch. If you grab her robo-titties, she’ll slap you in slow motion and say, “I do not like it when you touch my breasts!”. Apparently robo bitch here can do more than just letting her owner fill her up. She can be your personal assistant by performing a range of tasks like opening the door, reporting the weather condition, canceling your appointments and giving you directions. I bet she can even serve you delicious home cooked meals. Ok, I change my mind about her. Where can I order one pronto?

One last question, if she is that super. Why is she in a wheelchair?
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Apparently some girl in her 20s who lives in Zhuhai, China was left partially deft following a passionate kiss with her man (full article here).  According to the doctor who treated this bitch, her boyfriend, who apparently had “kissed too hard”, reduced the pressure in her mouth and pulled her freaking eardrum out. Holy shit! Was he really kissing her, or sucking the life out of her? He’s probably a 1000 year old freak who needs to feed on people’s lives to stay young. Wait, is her boyfriend fashion designer Karl Lagerfeld?

Anyway, the incident prompted a media frenzy with newspapers in major Chinese cities reporting the dangers of strong and forceful kissing.  China Daily even wrote that “While kissing is normally very safe, doctors advise people to proceed with caution,” This is why I am not big on sucking face. I do like to suck this but I bet it has dangers of its own.

I bet FOBs around the world would scream in delight when they hear about this. There is actually a maternity hospital in Taiwan that is all about Hello Kitty (see video here). The hospital management hopes that this popular Japanese cartoon icon will help ease the pain and fear associated with child birth. The nurses here all wear Hello Kitty aprons. Newborns here will get a birth certificate with Hello Kitty’s face on it. You can find the annoying feline’s face on everything used in this hospital, including blankets, bedsheets and probably diapers and ass wipes. There are also Hello Kitty posters and statues everywhere. A life sized Hello Kitty would swing by twice a week to visit the mothers and their newborns. My mom had me there and that life sized Hello Kitty had probably peered into her doorway as I was about to pop out, scaring the shit out of me. This explains why I am so afraid of pussy now.