It feels like 6℉ here in NYC today, but my heart is feeling the warmth, since my favorite bitch of all bitches Bai Ling is back in the news. Yes, bitch was spotted making out with hatchetface Mickey Rourke at the Chateau Marmont in LA the other night. The two were going at it pretty hard, and our Asian ho probably gave fish jerky face here a solid hand job.

I was not planning to watch the Oscars this year, but now I will, since the degree of the red carpet freakshow-ness has been kicked up a notch with Bai Ling potentially making an appearance with her flavor of the month, the soon-to-be Best Actor nominee Mickey Rourke (for The Wrestler). I love this union! It takes a lot of courage to wake up next to Mickey every morning, but I have no doubt that our bitch can stomach it. She has seen worse.

Tags: Bai Ling, Mickey Rourke, Oscar, Red Carpet

You know the world is coming to an end when the Fugliest of the Fugs, Zhang Ziyi has placed first on the list of the ” 50 Most Beautiful People” in China. Yes, bitch probably slept with everyone at The Beijing News (the organizer of this list) to get the top spot, including the custodian and the security guard who thought she was there to replace the lady who usually mops the floor. Second on the list is veteran actor Tony Leung.

Look, there are many beautiful actresses in China. This talentless bitch is sure not one of them. In fact, if you watched the opening ceremony of this year’s Summer Olympics, you would have noticed that many of the Chinese girls who volunteered at the ceremony looked just like her (pic here). So if you ask me, her face is just a dime a dozen in a populous country of 1.3 billion people. She is in no way the most beautiful person in China (both inside and out). Don’t even get me started on her inner beauty (or lack thereof)!

Tags: 50 Most Beautiful People in China, Tony Leung, Zhang Ziyi

Lucy Liu is not doing so well with her career these days. After the cancelation of Cashmere Mafia earlier this year, she joined the cast of Dirty Sexy Money and now it looks like our homegirl is unemployed again. A source at ABC has confirmed that the network has canceled the show.

The cancelation of the show means that there will be one fewer Asian face on the major TV network programs, and there were not a whole lot to begin with. Perhaps It’s time for me to quit my day job and go into acting. We need more Asian actors and all the bitches I know call me a “Drama Queen” anyway so why waste my natural talent of acting? I should hit up Lucy Liu and ask if she wants to be my acting coach since she will have a lot of time on her hands soon.

Tags: Cashmere Mafia, Dirty Sexy Money, Lucy Liu

People Magazine just released its annual Sexiest Man Alive list today. The sexiest man was Aussie actor Hugh Jackman. Ya, Hugh is hot. I saw him on the Broadway Musical The Boy From Oz a few years ago and he was mighty fine.  There were 15 other men on the list as well but the one that caught my attention was Chinese pianist Lang Lang, the sole Asian man on the list. Lang Lang? Really? Do you consider this pic hot? Or this? Don’t get me wrong, I am proud that there is an Asian dude on the list this year, but there are so many other Asian men they can consider than this pianist who’s a talented and great performer. But sexy? No way!
Read the rest of this entry »

Tags: Lang Lang, People Magazine, Sexiest Man Alive

I heart Maggie Cheung. She is a fine and talented actress who hasn’t worked for at least 4 or 5 years. It’s not like she didn’t get any good scripts. Apparently bitch here was too busy dick whipped by her Caucasian ex husband (French Director Olivier Assayas) and current boyfriend (some German architect) that she couldn’t give a damn in doing her day job. But all that is about to change. Maggie will soon star in Quentin Tarantino’s Inglourious Basterds — a movie that sets place in Nazi-occupied France during World War II and tells the story of a group of Jewish-American soldiers known as “The Basterds” whose mission is to kill the Nazis. Mr Jolie will play the lead. My girl Maggie will play a French woman named “Madame Mimieux” who owns a cinema in Paris. “Madame Mimieux” can make such an exquisite drag name don’t you think? It sure beats “Tequila Mockingbird” which I have used for a while now and am ready to adopt a new one.
Read the rest of this entry »

Tags: Inglourious Basterds, Maggie Cheung, Quentin Tarantino

Quick, watch this Star Trek teaser trailer before it gets yanked from the internet. Some Star Trek geezer fan shot this in the movie theater and I bet he (yes most definitely a he) went to at least a dozen movies just to hunt for this trailer. He shot the trailer and probably left the theater before the actual movie started, feeling like a million- dollar winner.  Try not to blink your eyes at the 1:26 mark and you will see cutie John Cho and his character Captain Sulu.

Tags: John Cho, Star Trek Teaser Trailer

.

The 2003 Korean Drama, Dae Jang Geum (A Jewel In The Palace) will be made into a feature film soon. The love of my life Lee Yeong-Ae will return to play the lead role, Seo Jang-Geum. South Korean heartthrob Song Seung-Hun will also join the cast, as well as some Chinese actors and actresses. The details of the cast have yet to be decided. I think they should have Zhang Ziyi play the role of the evil empress Choi-Seong Guem. It’s a role she was born to play.

The Asian film industry is finally taking a page from Hollywood. It’s about time they start turning TV series into movies. We have turned countless TV series into major motion pictures here in the U.S.  Some were successful (i.e. Sex and The City - The Movie) and some were not ( i.e. Inspector Gadget). I hope they won’t screw this up. Dae Jang Guem has got to be one of my favorite Korean soaps thus far.

Tags: Dae Jang Geum, Korean Drama, Lee Yeong Ae

I guess our little Rain is trying to act all devious and shit. In his latest album “Rainism”, he wrote the lyrics for a song called “Bad Boy” and part of the lyrics go something like this:

“떨리는 니 몸 안을 돌고 있는 나의 MAGIC STICK/ 더 이상 넘어갈 수 없는 한곌 느낀 BODY SHAKE/ MAKE IT RANISM THE RANISM 내 몸을 느껴 버렸어”

Translated in English, it’d go something like this:

“My magic stick is spinning in your shivering body. You can’t go beyond my body shake. Make it Rainism The Rainism. Feel my body.”

Naughty naughty boy. Telling a lie here. It’s obviously a toothpick and not some magic stick so he claims. By the way, what the fuck is Rainism anyway!? Is the word synonymous with femininity?

Apparently half of the Korean media was up in arms over the use of explicit lyrics here. These uptight bitches argue that the reference to his “magic stick” is not appropriate for Korean audiences. “Toothpick” or “Tiny Pretzel Stick” would be more like it, since many of them can identify with that. Good things, occasionally, do come in small sizes.

Tags: Magic Stick, rain, Rainism, Sexually Explicit Lyrics

Residents of Albuquerque, New Mexico, please take heed. Clear the way for Jackie Chan as he chops and kicks his way to your city soon. The Hong Kong action superstar will film his new flick “The Spy Next Door” in your ‘hood in November and December. He is expected to bring an entourage of 150 local crew members and more than 600 actors, including principals and extras. I believe this will be the most exciting event that has happened in Albuquerque ever since the first travelers on Route 66 appeared in the city in 1926.

In the movie, Jackie plays a man who is asked to baby-sit for his neighbor’s children and winds up having to protect them from secret agents after one of them accidentally downloads a code. I am sure there will be many funny fight scenes — one in which Jackie accidentally hits an object instead of a person and writhes in pain — a trademark of Jackie Chan’s flicks.

If I were Jackie, I would load up on the microwaveable Asian food and vodka. I heard Albuquerque is freaking boring and has a shitty selection of Asian restaurants. But fear not, the “gourmet” Chinese food purveyor Panda Express is there, and its Orange Chicken is simply to die for. I gagged a bit when I wrote that.

Tags: Albuquerque, Hong Kong Action Superstar, Jackie Chan, New Mexico, The Spy Next Door

I used to have TIVO at home and I swear it has a mind of its own. Everytime I set it to tape the reruns of The Golden Girls, that lazy ass motherf**ker would never do that for me. Occasionally I would find the programs I had tivo-ed that week deleted before I had a chance to watch them. So I finally gave up and switched to DVR. After watching this funny yet creepy clip below, I have decided to stick with my DVR for life. Unlike TIVO, DVR follows my orders and does not delete any of my TV shows.

This clip is a Halloween short titled “The Tivo” which stars Perry Shen who’s pretty hilarious in it. It is directed by Adam Green who did the acclaimed indie horror film Hatchet. I’d advise those chicken hearted bitches who own a TIVO to stay away from it. It’s scarrryyyyyyy…..

Clip: The Tivo

Tags: Adam Green, DVR, Halloween Short, Perry Shen, TIVO